Crappy birthday to me

Okay, I'm going to try really hard not to sound whiny and petulant, but if I do can y'all cut me some slack? It truly was a crappy day yesterday.

It started out nice enough. I got up pretty early, fed the horses and let them out, keeping Gem and Sparky in for the day as Gem got himself wounded (long story) and I wanted him out of the bitter cold. Even the trip down was nice: clear and dry roads and very little traffic. I got to Mom's around noon, and that's when the 'fun' began.

Mom had almost nothing wrapped, and she put me to work wrapping while she sorted and micro-managed and wrapped a couple of DVDs. After three hours, I was finally done. I packed the stuff in her car, then headed over to my brother's house for the gathering. No dinner, just grazing all day, sort of an open house. The kids were high on the never ending supply of brightly wrapped presents and noisy obnoxious toys. I got a lot of 'Happy Birthday' greetings, and a couple of presents, and that's about it.

Now, to be fair, there were some other things going on that distracted everyone. My great aunt Doris died that morning, my great aunt Astrid had died a week earlier, and my grandma was distraught. Mom was distracted with funeral arrangements, talking with her cousins, and comforting grandma.So I guess I can cut her a little slack. But come on, not even a cake?

Then the fun really begins. After most of the relatives leave, and it's just me, my brothers, mom, and my sister in law, I let it slip to my younger-younger brother John that Ken was in Michigan with his girlfriend, and that I'm finally going to file for divorce. That gets my older-younger brother Jay and my mom plotting on how I can ditch all my 'dead weight' and move closer to home.

I think their favorite plan was to have me turn the farm over the the bank, find homes for as many of the animals as I can, and move into a run-down house on a farm that Jay's renting. It's on 15 acres and has a barn and shed, so I could have some of the horses there, and maybe board for extra cash. I guess the house looks better on the inside and just needs some cosmetic work (I kinda doubt it's that easy).

After 2 hours of listening to them plot and my sister-in-law exclaim about how disrespectful Ken was to me to have an affair (it baffled her that I cared more about the animals than my marriage, which really died 10 years ago), I made a hasty retreat. I stopped by to drop off the rest of the cookies for dad, then started for home.

The trip back was pretty good, clear sailing until I hit Madison. That's when the snow began to fall. It was the storm I had been trying to avoid by leaving early, but apparently I was destined to drive home at 40 mph on the expressway all the way home. The closer to home I got, the more snow was on the road. I was so not amused.

I finally got home at 11 (I had left at 6:30, so I guess I didn't do too badly). Our neighbor hadn't been able to plow us out before I got home, so he did the best he could by driving around the driveway with his dually. I had to really gun it and keep going, but I didn't get stuck and was able to make it to the shed to park. Jac and the dogs met my outside to help bring in packages. After we got in and settled, Jac surprised me with two little pecan tassies with a candle in each, as I had let it slip that I hadn't gotten a birthday cake. I felt a little better, but I was so wired on stress and caffeine that I went online to check my emails (3 automated birthday greetings, none on any of my forums or networking sites) and then stayed up until 2am watching 'Love, Actually'.

So, that's how I spent my 35th birthday. Not too exciting, and a little disappointing. Anyway, today is a new day, and hopefully I can get my life turned around the way I want and next year I can have a better birthday.

Holiday wish list

I've got a wish list at Amazon.com, but there are some things that Amazon just doesn't have a listing for. Here is a list of things that I would dearly love but I don't expect to get, in no particular order:

-20 bags of shavings a month for a year (or even 6 months)
-a pallet of Nutrena Senior horse feed a month for 6 months
-more T posts and fencing materials
-a new roof for the barn
-someone I trust around horses to help around the farm (cleaning stalls, planting trees, putting up fence...)
-a $3000 gift certificate for vet care
-unlimited access to Clavamox or Zithromax, Tobramyacin drops, and Frontline Plus or Revolution
-a boyfriend for my sister/roommate (a veterinarian-architect-millionaire philanthropist would be awesome)
-a grant or loan to get my farm/rescue started (details here, here and here)
-a divorce
-my life back on track

I've not listed anything about a boyfriend or dating or anything like that for me, because I've pretty much given up. I just can't seem to find anyone that I find interesting enough to date, and anyway, once I get divorced I'm never getting married again. I really shouldn't have made it legal the first time. Oh well, live and learn I guess.

"I totally lost it when..."

The topic of one of my favorite blogs Behind the Bit yesterday was "times when you totally lost it", your emotions went totally out of your control. The first story that came to mind was from when I was around 10 years old, and colored my view of trainers for years.

Shady was my first horse, born just 6 months before I was. She was true black 7/8 Arabian mare with a blaze and a mischievous personality, mostly because the other 1/8 of her genetics was Shetland pony. She was curious and smart and somewhat of an escape artist, but she was mine and I loved her dearly.

When I was old enough for the 4-H horse project, Mom sent Shady to an Arab breeder friend of hers who's son was a trainer. After he had put about a month or two of work into her (I think, I don't quite remember) he had me in for a lesson.

I knew something was off about her, as she would hug the wall of the dim indoor arena while going counter clockwise, but when she went clockwise she stayed about six feet from the wall. I mentioned my concerns, but the trainer just said she was being stubborn and I was letting her get away with being naughty. He had me get off, then hopped on and proceeded to beat the crap out of my mare with a whip RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I so mad and frustrated I was crying, and kept trying to convince him that something must be wrong with her eyes. Mom was horrified by the whole scene, and pulled Shady out of there soon after. I never forgot or forgave that jerk.

As a result of that lesson, I kept a close eye on Shady and her reactions to things: sticking close while I led her, rearing in a halter class when the judge came around the back, going though a fence at dusk. It was about 5 or 6 years after the trainer incident when the vet determined she had glaucoma in one eye, the one on the side she had issues with. I felt vindicated, in a way, but sad and upset too. She lived for a few more years in comfort, but we decided to have her put down when she continually broke through the fence. She was 21, and so was I.

I have another 'lost it' story about a trainer, but I think I'll save it for another day. Remembering this took more out of me than I thought it would, I'm pissed off all over again!

Success and Frustration

Never is now a gelding!

I was so impressed with his behavior. He took everything in stride, hardly blinking at loading into the trailer, though the last time he was in one was when he was 4 months. He loaded and unloaded like a pro, and while he had a little sweat on his neck when we got to the clinic, he was dry and calm when we got home.

At the clinic, he was a sweetheart, curious but not volatile or jumpy. He led to the holding stall, walked right in and turned around so he watch everybody. When I came to pick him up after surgery, he saw me and whickered. I think I melted a little. *S*

I had his shots done and his wolf teeth pulled, so all we need to do is his Coggins test and booster shots in a month or so.

That was all the success part of the story. Here's the frustration part:

It's been cold here for the past few days. Not the 'oh, it's 30 degrees and I need a hat and mittens' type cold, but the 'it's 15 degrees with a wind chill of 25 below, break out the lined pants and two pair of long underwear to walk to the barn' type of cold. I had Never on stall rest on Friday, and turned him out on Saturday to get some air. I wasn't looking forward to hand walking him, but it's something that needed to be done.

So I thought, until I looked out the window and saw him doing laps in the pen! I checked up on him a couple of times that morning, and noticed he would eat, then trot around trying to catch a glimpse of the other horses (my round pen is on the other side of the barn, effectively blocking most of the view of the pastures). I had to bring him in around noon, however, because the wind was picking up and the pen has no shelter.

That's been the routine for the past few days. Today, it's a balmy 25 and no breeze, so he gets to stay in the pen all day, at least until the blizzard hits us. He's swelling a little at the mouth of his sheath, but after a couple of calls to the vet, 3 digital thermometers, and convincing Never that playing with his tail was really okay, we determined that there probably wasn't an infection and he's probably just a little puffy from all the stall rest he's gotten.

I can't wait until he's all healed so I can stop worrying about infection, and start focusing on his training. He's going to be a wonderful show horse, and maybe he'll even like trail riding!

Gelding day postponed

Nevermore was scheduled to get snipped today, but the vet called this morning and said that it was way too cold to safely sedate him at the farm. So, after much thought, I rescheduled for Thursday at the clinic. Now I need to track down a trailer (I have a few leads) and hope he remembers how to load. I may also call and schedule Alex too, but he's not as urgent to get done as Never is.

By getting Never gelded I can play musical pastures: Bahim goes in his old paddock, the younger/dominant mares get the paddock that Bahim was in, and the older mares can get the big pasture. Everybody will have access to ice-free water, hay, and shelter, and a sperm-free Nevermore will have other horses to keep him company.

I moved everybody around this morning in anticipation of the vet visit (she called as I was leading Bahim to his pen), so Never is going to be staying in the round pen for the next couple of days. He will be coming in at night, though, as it's supposed to be pretty frigid for the next week or so. I picked up a heated water bucket so he has ice-free water, and I hope to tie some sort of material to the pen to help block the wind, as he's gotten used to a run-in shelter.

I can't wait until this is all done. Too bad spaying mares isn't this easy.