"I totally lost it when..."

The topic of one of my favorite blogs Behind the Bit yesterday was "times when you totally lost it", your emotions went totally out of your control. The first story that came to mind was from when I was around 10 years old, and colored my view of trainers for years.

Shady was my first horse, born just 6 months before I was. She was true black 7/8 Arabian mare with a blaze and a mischievous personality, mostly because the other 1/8 of her genetics was Shetland pony. She was curious and smart and somewhat of an escape artist, but she was mine and I loved her dearly.

When I was old enough for the 4-H horse project, Mom sent Shady to an Arab breeder friend of hers who's son was a trainer. After he had put about a month or two of work into her (I think, I don't quite remember) he had me in for a lesson.

I knew something was off about her, as she would hug the wall of the dim indoor arena while going counter clockwise, but when she went clockwise she stayed about six feet from the wall. I mentioned my concerns, but the trainer just said she was being stubborn and I was letting her get away with being naughty. He had me get off, then hopped on and proceeded to beat the crap out of my mare with a whip RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I so mad and frustrated I was crying, and kept trying to convince him that something must be wrong with her eyes. Mom was horrified by the whole scene, and pulled Shady out of there soon after. I never forgot or forgave that jerk.

As a result of that lesson, I kept a close eye on Shady and her reactions to things: sticking close while I led her, rearing in a halter class when the judge came around the back, going though a fence at dusk. It was about 5 or 6 years after the trainer incident when the vet determined she had glaucoma in one eye, the one on the side she had issues with. I felt vindicated, in a way, but sad and upset too. She lived for a few more years in comfort, but we decided to have her put down when she continually broke through the fence. She was 21, and so was I.

I have another 'lost it' story about a trainer, but I think I'll save it for another day. Remembering this took more out of me than I thought it would, I'm pissed off all over again!