"I totally lost it when..."

The topic of one of my favorite blogs Behind the Bit yesterday was "times when you totally lost it", your emotions went totally out of your control. The first story that came to mind was from when I was around 10 years old, and colored my view of trainers for years.

Shady was my first horse, born just 6 months before I was. She was true black 7/8 Arabian mare with a blaze and a mischievous personality, mostly because the other 1/8 of her genetics was Shetland pony. She was curious and smart and somewhat of an escape artist, but she was mine and I loved her dearly.

When I was old enough for the 4-H horse project, Mom sent Shady to an Arab breeder friend of hers who's son was a trainer. After he had put about a month or two of work into her (I think, I don't quite remember) he had me in for a lesson.

I knew something was off about her, as she would hug the wall of the dim indoor arena while going counter clockwise, but when she went clockwise she stayed about six feet from the wall. I mentioned my concerns, but the trainer just said she was being stubborn and I was letting her get away with being naughty. He had me get off, then hopped on and proceeded to beat the crap out of my mare with a whip RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I so mad and frustrated I was crying, and kept trying to convince him that something must be wrong with her eyes. Mom was horrified by the whole scene, and pulled Shady out of there soon after. I never forgot or forgave that jerk.

As a result of that lesson, I kept a close eye on Shady and her reactions to things: sticking close while I led her, rearing in a halter class when the judge came around the back, going though a fence at dusk. It was about 5 or 6 years after the trainer incident when the vet determined she had glaucoma in one eye, the one on the side she had issues with. I felt vindicated, in a way, but sad and upset too. She lived for a few more years in comfort, but we decided to have her put down when she continually broke through the fence. She was 21, and so was I.

I have another 'lost it' story about a trainer, but I think I'll save it for another day. Remembering this took more out of me than I thought it would, I'm pissed off all over again!

Moving on...

I know life needs to go on, but I'm in a bit of a quandry. Sketch was the only horse I had that was ridable and of a good age. My other ridables are really old and retired. The others are young and of riding age, just not trained yet. I need to find a dressage trainer (or a good trainer period) that knows Arabians as well as stock horses to get my girls (and one boy) properly started.

Still, though, I would like a horse that I can just jump on and go on a trail ride, that won't need to be schooled every time I get on. I had gone to look at a horse earlier this summer, the ad said older been there, done that Arabian. There's not many Arabians around here, so I had to go see her.

She was wonderful, she reminded me of one of my mom's foundation mares, and she rode wonderfully for her age, which happened to be thirty! She's very solid and well built, you would never guess her to be that old. Her owner wanted $600 and a good home, but I just didn't have the money or the room. Well, a few days after Sketch passed on, the owner called me and asks if I still want the mare, and for me she'll drop the price to $150! I think I need to buy this mare, I just have to figure out how to get more money coming in to cover the other costs.

I will accomplish my goals, I have to keep telling myself that so I keep going.